Atheists, Religion, and Unicorns

Religion is always a touchy subject for many. 

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If you don’t spout things from the Bible or say anything about praising Jesus, you most likely are just a hateful person or believe in the devil. Many have asked me what I believe in and my answer? I don’t really know…

I grew up a good Roman Catholic girl in a household where my mother was in charge but still did anything and everything my father said. Her needs and wants didn’t matter and divorce was out of the question (Yay Catholicism! NOT). Back then, a woman was always subservient in most households, especially those that are very religious, as we had just been out of the 50’s like 20 years or so. Not enough time to realize some of the shit that happened back then really was plain moronic on the female front (hence feminism coming into existence). Sad. Just sad.

I grew up being told about God and not to talk badly about other religions (which, kudos to my mother, she respected ALL religions). My mother was never one, really, to tell me I would be struck down by God for any one reason but made it clear to be a good person and to do the right thing (but also to NEVER get divorced no matter how shitty your husband was to you and your kids). I don’t think she expected me at just a mere 7 years old telling her I was going to refuse to walk to the Catholic school across from my elementary for “religion” every Tuesday. I just didn’t believe in it.

You see, at age 3, I was really sick and told my mother and father I saw God. My father, needless to say, never slept in that bed again. We didn’t have a good relationship and while that is a shame, it just meant I was able to be who I was without much friction on his part. I believed in God very strongly, even while not believing in having to go to church to do so, even when my daughter was born when I was 17 years old. Now that I am 43, my views have changed drastically, but I cannot pinpoint any one reason as to why or when it started.

When I was only 21 years old, my father died in my arms. He had just been released from the hospital just a few hours earlier after a 2 week stay for pneumonia. Idiot doctors said that he had that when, really, he had fluid around the heart and died of a massive stroke. Needless to say, even though for many years I reflected back on the day he passed, jumping up from the chair, arms outstretched as if going “toward” someone or something, and the  falling over couch  as a somewhat religious experience, my questions about the whys and whatfors made me step outside my religion into the agnostic realm.

I wasn’t quite sure God even existed then or what happened when people died.

I wanted to know, so I started experimenting with the paranormal. Needless to say I still feel a connection to those who have passed and while some would think I am full of shit in the psychic realm, I have proven time and again to know things I should not. Now, doesn’t mean others who have had consultations with me will listen. Hell, half the time what comes to me during sessions I could not repeat for the life of me. I’ve even had people say I must be possessed when I do it.

There’s a problem with that theory-the only “demons” in most sessions are those from the client that need to have resolution to their feelings about those who have passed on and the decisions made in the time they were alive. I don’t believe in demons and I don’t believe in the devil. Many say that makes me a devil worshiper…huh!?

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Back track…

I don’t believe in the devil at all. I believe in evil-pure evil is a contradiction in terms. Evil is and never was “pure”. It either is or isn’t at all. I believe all children-yes ALL-are born innocent and have the ability to choose good or bad. Being human gives us the freedom of choice.

Here is the thing…evil is learned and practiced by those around us. Evil can come in many forms (many tend to point to the political rings) but honestly, a child born to a person who never wanted them in the first place and is told such is given a reason to start questioning why they exist at all. Anyone who tells a child they never wanted them, to me, is an evil person. If you never did, why keep them just to tell them? Give them to a person who would love and cherish any child-like those battling infertility for years upon end. That would eliminate the basis of that evil. Then that child would know the love of a person who really wanted them and self-hate wouldn’t even come into play.

Another example-many children learn from what they see. If a couple is in a relationship in which they hate each other but stay together “for the sake of the child” really, in the end, affect that child in many ways. They might hate men or women (depending on which gender seems to have the most impact on them at the time) and decide never to be in a steady relationship of any kind. Some spout some BS about that can “make” a person gay. You cannot “make” a person gay. But I will leave that for another blog….

But I digress, children learn the hate and evil from others. When we moved from NY to GA my youngest daughter was only 9 years old. A tender age and one that can be so very impressionable. She came home maybe less than a week of living here and asks me, “Mama, what is a ‘damn Yankee’?”

Ummm….

Now maybe…MAYBE that child had heard it from TV. I doubt it. Most likely that kid went home to talk about the new kid in class and how they were from NY and not Georgia. That would make that child and that child’s family “Damn Yankees”. I can joke about it now, but try explaining to a little kid who never experienced a load of hate in just a few words what it all means. Not easy.

Just like when a child asks, “What is God?” many have responses for that, especially those who read the Bible and who have been to religion or gone to church. My reasoning for years since I was a child is, if God DOES exist, why is it only acceptable to worship “Him”  in a church? Isn’t God supposed to be everywhere? Shouldn’t you be able to get down on your knees in the middle of the supermarket and pray to God for enough money to feed your family and praise the Lord when finding your favorite cookie on sale?

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I want to thank my husband at this time, by the way, to have shown me that faith is personal and should not be shoved onto ANYONE, especially and including your children. When my oldest daughter was born, I was insistent that she be Baptized. I had it ingrained in me by my mother it MUST be done. My husband asked me why and I just said, “Because, you’re supposed to!” and he again asked me “Why? And I want our children to be able to CHOOSE their religion, if they even decide to have one.”

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*GASP*

NOT have a religion? What would they put down when they go to the hospital or if they go to have surgery? What about when you’re asked such a question on other forms? What should they say? Is there even a blank space for “None” for religious preference? Does that mean you don’t have a preference or does it mean you have no religion at all? I think there should be a blank for “agnostic” or “atheist”. Don’t you? If there are all those other choices, aren’t those choices as well?

I struggled for years with what my religious preference was. The closest I got was Pagan but then again-that doesn’t even explain me. I went for Wiccan, as I had believed in the mystic and the powers of self. Here is the problem-I don’t believe in multiple Gods. I have trouble believing even ONE exists. So where, oh where, do I fit in? Anywhere?

My husband is a proclaimed Atheist. He doesn’t believe in God’s existence and many times has said in the past, “If God does exist, why do children go hungry? Why do people murder and rape?” He opened my mind on so many levels, this friend of mine, to wonder and ask questions when I was brought up to accept and believe without question. DO NOT question. Just DO as you are told like a good little girl and get a pat on the head for doing the right thing and be on your way.

No. That is my answer to a lot of questions asked. No-I will NOT accept blindly without question. My physical state of being and my mind is unable to do so. I can do good things and be a good person, but to sit here and think Jesus was anything other than a human being with the ability to persuade others to believe in something they could not see is just something I cannot do. I have read portions of the book of Deuteronomy and to my horror some of the things in that book associated with the Bible make me cringe. Many are so similar to Islamic beliefs it makes me wonder-are there REALLY any differences between the Bible and the Qur’an?

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Many would say an emphatic YES! There ARE differences! But many have not even seen portions of the Islamic book and some other books associated with Christianity like the Book of Deuteronomy. That is what changed my life forever-reading those things and that text and some of that book no, not even all). It made me think of why we ended up where we did with Catholicism and where we have been. Most recently, reading up on and watching movies about The Crusades, killing the “infidels” that did not believe in Christ. How was that any different than some of what is happening today with other countries who are Christian? It made my stomach sink to think I ever believed in a religion that had such a graphically violent history.

History is never politically correct. Some are trying to make it that way but in doing so, doing a disservice to those who have lost their lives in the process of it all. I recommend anyone watching “The Tomb of Jesus” by National Geographic. If you are Christian and have a scientific mind and are starting to question your faith, this may start you on your journey to find out more. Don’t accept what is given to you blindly. Find out WHY things are the way they are. Ask the whys of a person’s belief and if they say “Because that is how it is supposed to be” ask them again why. If they cannot answer, then maybe you need to be the one to find out why you should believe so, if believing anything at all.

Just like unicorns. Many say they are mythical creatures and do not exist. Does anyone really know? Think about it-you might be one to believe a dinosaur once existed, but maybe, just maybe, those fossil pieces weren’t meant to be put together and dinosaurs never existed. Maybe they were creatures from an alien planet that got destroyed. What about the pyramids? Do people REALLY believe they were erected the way it is depicted in history books?

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I don’t believe everything I am told. Nobody should (which is why I stopped WATCHING the news and now READ the news) I am always questioning much and believing very little nowadays. It’s a bit of a nuisance for me and to those around me, especially those who once were Atheist that now are gravitating the other way because of things happening to them. I don’t fit into any nice, neat little category. I never could. I don’t know what I believe at this point in my life.

Don’t pray for me or say “I’m sorry” because I’m not and praying can do very little other than make YOU feel good. I always believe in action making a difference. If you want to pray for anything, do a good deed. Could be anything at all. Network a shelter animal in need, donate some money if you can. Or better yet, how about walking down the alley or the corner where the bum you see every summer is not holed up in his or her cardboard box with a winter coat and socks and maybe a little food?

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I wish I could say I had been going somewhere with this blog but these are my random thoughts and if you read this far, maybe you have some random thoughts and questions of your own. You never know what your day will bring, so regardless of what you believe, believe in YOURSELF and make your existence on this earth mean something and make a difference when you get a chance. Then maybe we can talk about faith and religion some day.

Maybe not.

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